it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
