It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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