Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
