in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
