I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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