Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
