How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
