I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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