we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
