I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
