This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
