Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how can u be prego again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
