I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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