I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
