3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
