Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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