i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
