you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
