Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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