So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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