Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
