She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
