He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
