When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He felt like a one man threesome
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
be right there i have to get my cape
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