Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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