when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
