I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
