Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
