No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
