i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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