everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
