I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
