i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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