I met the friendliest cop last night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
