You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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