Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
