OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
