just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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