Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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