I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My pussy is not your playground.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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