You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
