I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
