By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
