Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
