Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
