Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love having hate sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
