Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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