his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
