Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
