Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
