I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
