we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
