when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
