Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So vagazzling was a success
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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