the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
